


All the Beautiful Things

by olivemartini



Series: The Malec Chronicles [19]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Insecure Alec, Insecure Magnus, M/M, Malec, demon'smark, talk about Magnus' eyes, they're on that world trip thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 16:21:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11718024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: Things are perfect, the way they always seem to be when Alec is around Magnus now.Until he glamours his eyes in the name of blending in, and never changes them back.





	All the Beautiful Things

Alec has done a lot of things in his first week of vacation that he never thought he was going to get to do.

He's walked barefoot across sandy beaches and dove under the ocean waves with only the moon guiding him back to the surface.  He's stood in front of street vendors and ordered all the food he could stand to take, eating it all with his hands while standing under streetlights, the sauces and grease and spices staining his fingers and being wiped on his jeans because he didn't think to bring napkins.  He's slept in until noon, and stayed up late walking down city streets and curving, deserted dirt roads, drank wine and beer and a few memorable drinks that he would never dream of repeating.  And he's gone dancing, even though he's spectacularly bad at it, but the old man in charge smiled indulgently and all the girls giggled and tried to teach him how to do better, so he found he didn't really mind acting foolish, considering that he was with strangers and was too busy having fun to think about possible repercussions, anyways.  For the first time in his life, he was feeling what total freedom felt like, acting for himself and for no one else.

"What's your favorite part so far?"  Magnus asks him, a few hours after they tumbled through the door of their hotel room and fell onto the bed, Magnus repeating his mantra of  _whatever you want, and nothing more,_ and Alec saying  _to Hell with that, give me everything._

Alec considered the question, looking at Magnus, who was only an arms length away from him but still too far, cat eyes glowing in the darkness.  He thinks about how his hand had been tangled up in Magnus' this whole time, how they would kiss in the dark and in the daylight, the way Magnus had agreed without hesitation to come on this trip.  How, when he looks at him, the dull ache that had settled right underneath his ribs seems to go away for just a moment, how touching him doesn't hurt anymore, how everything just feels right the way they are now, the two of them lost in a big world where no one could ever find them.  "You,"  He whispers, and moves closer, because he decided that he didn't like the fact that they weren't touching anymore.  "It's always going to be you."

 

 

The only problem was that they were sticking to the mundane world.

Not that this was a problem, because it was what Alec had requested, since he couldn't bear any stray remarks about Max catching him off guard, and didn't think he could see anyone give Magnus a nasty look without slicing off one of their limbs.  Still, it did pose potential complications, because in order to take part in all the mundane activities Alec couldn't walk around with enough weapons to supply a small army (Magnus' words) and there were a lot of pop culture references that flew over his head, but most of that could be solved by letting Magnus take the lead in any social situation when Alec got uncomfortable.

( _There was something about Magnus that sort of put people at ease, or maybe put them in some sort of a trance to where they couldn't remember that there was anything strange about the man that occasionally had his hands flash blue and his boyfriend that was never a fan of One Direction.  Maybe it was all the glitter_.)

So it was okay, and Alec was having fun being dragged around from one site to the other, seeing all of Magnus' favorite tourists spots, enjoying the little ancedotes he does let slip about things.  They walk through the pyramids and climb ancient runes, go to a few warlock haunts just so Magnus could check up on a few old friends ( _where Alec was paraded around like some sort of trophy, with a lot of comments about his eyes and his arm muscles, but he didn't really mind_ ), stay in hotels where the bathrooms were bigger than Alec's room at home and the beds were so soft it felt like sleeping on clouds.  And most importantly, there was Magnus, Magnus everywhere- smiling next to him in pictures, standing behind him in line with his arms wrapped around him, leaning in for a kiss on the cheek, holding his hand while they walk down the sidewalk and neither of them thinking twice about it, because  _this is who we love, damn it, so get used to it._

They're in Paris now, the Eiffel tower visible from the hotel room.  Alec had known that this city was going to be different from all the others, maybe because it was the one Magnus had been looking forward to seeing the most, or maybe because of the invisible pressure to be romantic that comes when you're in the so called City of Love.  So far, it's living up to its name, with the two of them at a little café by the water for breakfast, laughing over cream cheese croissants and mugs of hot chocolate so thick they could eat it with the spoon.  Then there was the hotel room, where there was a bottle of champagne waited for them and Magnus shamelessly conjured up rose petals, and Alec not only insisted that he wanted  _yes, everything_ but also  _more, more, more._

Magnus wanted to go to someplace nice for dinner, the first fancy place that he had asked Alec to sit through, so he had agreed because he knew it would make him happy, even though it meant that he had to give up his jeans and sweater ensemble for a suit that Magnus picked out for him.  He looks fine, Alec knows, staring at himself in the full length mirror, but he still can't stop himself from tugging at the sleeves and wishing they were going somewhere else.  Or staying in.  He would like that, too.

"You look fine." Magnus, who always seemed to know when Alec was having doubts, came up beside him, turning Alec to look him in the eye and fix his tie for him.  "Wonderful, actually.  You always do."

Alec started to say thank you and apologize for being silly, even though Magnus had told him to stop with the sorries, and then stopped short.  Because he wasn't staring into the golden cat eyes that he had looked into so many nights.  Instead, they were a dark brown, and unarguably human, and looked a bit unsettling in the otherwise familiar face.  Alec pulled back, putting a hand on Magnus' cheek to turn his head this way and that, finally deciding that he wasn't seeing anything.  "Why are they brown?"

"You really think walking into this resteraunt with eyes like mine won't cause a scene?  These people aren't used to magic."  This was true, Alec mused, thinking back to all the other places they had visited so far.  Places where people either still believed in strange things and even stranger powers, and looked at Magnus like he was something very strange but very old at the same time, like magic was still down in the roots of their towns and filling up the air.  Alec wanted to kick himself for being unkind when Magnus was being so supportive.  If he was a little unsure about wearing a different type of clothing, he could only imagine how Magnus must be feeling about having to change a part of his face.  "I thought it might be best to pretend for a while."

Alec couldn't get rid of the sense that he was missing something, because now he was kissing Magnus and Magnus wasn't responding like normal.  If he had stopped to think, really think, he might have wondered why Magnus made his glamour so strong that Alec couldn't break through it even when he tried, or to wonder about the look on his face.  But he had already decided that this trip isn't one where he has to think about things, so he just makes for the door and flings it open, leading him out into the hall and trying for one last kiss before they get to where PDA is frowned upon.  "Well, you look great."  Alec doesn't see the look on Magnus' face, doesn't stop to think before turning away.  "You always do."

 

 

It should have been the end of it.

And it was, because the dinner was nice and Alec drank too much wine, and they went for a long walk under the stars, and went back to the hotel room for  _let me, magnus, everything, everything, yes, please,_ and in the morning they went to the Louvre before heading to yet another city with more beautiful things.  They took a stop in Rome, where they threw coins into foutains and made wishes they wouldn't tell each other about, where they climbed a hill until they could see across the entire city, where they walked through Vatican City just to see (and because Alec was a little curious about what the Shadowhunter stash of weapons looked like, they came back at midnight, too).  And then they went to an island that Alec doesn't remember the name of, another beach with another starry sky where no one bothers them and they make their meals out of things they get from the daily farmers market.

It should have been perfect, with all the fruit stained kisses and the sunlit skin and the smiles from strangers, not to mention the back drops full of beautiful things and wonderous moments that Alec will never let himself to forget.  And it was, because right now everything was perfect whenever Alec was with Magnus.

Except for the fact that he still had his eyes glamoured.

 

 

"Okay,"  Alec said, hating himself, because they were just about to get to the part of the night that he was learning to look forward to, the  _everything, everything, more, more, more_ part that had only just recently been a thing that they were doing.  But he had opened his eyes to find brown ones staring back, ones that were not the golden cat eyes he knew and loved and wanted to look into when they were doing this particular thing, and hadn't been able to hold back the unsettling feeling they give him for one more moment.  "Are we going to talk?"

"About this?"  Magnus looks surprised, but he moves away just like he had always said he would if Alec ever changed his mind.  Alec knows why the surprise was there- in the rare moments where Magnus tried to bring up the topic of sex before, it was like pulling teeth for Alec to tell him about what experience he had.  Or rather, the lack of it.  

"No."  Alec picked up his hand, intertwined their fingers together, like that could keep Magnus from running away.  "I meant about your eyes."

Alec feels a vicious stab of pleasure when Magnus immediately looks away and heaves a sigh, because he knows that he was right, that there was something wrong and Magnus just didn't want to tell him.  "What's to talk about?"

"They're still brown."  Magnus didn't look at him, but Alec moved with him, forcing him to look him in the eye.  "You need a glamour in the city, okay, that's fine.  But we're together.  Alone.  It's safe for you to show your real eyes."

"Maybe I want them like this."  He's furious, suddenly, eyes (but not the right ones) blazing with righteous indignation, like they had the one time that Alec had laughed when he came out with lime green fingernails.  "You ever think about that?"

Maybe it was a fashion thing.  Alec wouldn't know.  He wouldn't know a fashion thing if it hit him in the face.  "I mean, they look great, I just..."  He trailed off, still unsure about how to say things like this, still unsure about if and when they would be welcome.  Because yes, Magnus is here with him and loves him, but maybe there are still lines in the sand that Alec doesn't know about.  "I miss seeing your real ones."

"Well, I don't.  You ever think about that?"  Magnus says, and turns away, moving out through the bedroom door, Alec scrambling to get out of bed and follow him into the kitchen, blinking at the sudden light and flinching when he sees that Magnus had already drained a whole glass of whiskey.  Not that it does much. A couple centuries do wonders for your alcohol tolerance.  He rolls his eyes when he sees Alec standing there, moving towards the back door and letting it slam closed behind him.  He's walking down the beach, shoulders hunched against some invisible force, and Alec has to restrain himself from running after him.

 _If nothing else_ , he thinks grimly, eyeing the whiskey and then deciding to go to bed instead, _at least his eyes were gold again_.

 

 

 

Magnus stays out all night.

Alec tries not to be worried, tries not to be upset, and busies himself with making breakfast (a trip to the market where they all ask about Magnus, a good ten minutes where he frowns at the oven before figuring out how to work it) and then amuses himself with a phone call to Jace.  He picks up on the second ring, and something in Alec's chest knocks loose and falls away at Jace's voice, the strain in their bond that comes from being apart abating for just one second.

"What's up?"  Jace asks, like Alec didn't just wake him up in the middle of the night, like there was nothing weird for either of them about Alec calling to complain about boy troubles.  But god knows he had sat through enough of Jace whining about Clary, so he decided to call it even. 

It was so good to hear his voice again, and Alec finds himself spilling everything without even making the decision to- about the things he'd seen and done and about the oceans, places that Jace would have liked and the food they ate, things about his their nights together that Jace probably didn't need to know but Alec needed to talk to  _someone_ about, damn it, and he really didn't want it to be Izzy.  And he also tells him about the fact they got in a fight and that Magnus ran off and now Alec was sitting here with a rapidly cooling breakfast.  

"I'm not surprised you got in a fight,"  Jace said, voice blurring with sleep and tinged with his ever present  _cool guy_ tone, like yes, I am the expert on all relationships, even the gay variety, here is what you need to do.  Alec can't help but be relieved.  "I mean, you've been in hotel rooms together for like three weeks now, no one gets out of that without at least one fight.  He'll be back when he calms down, alright?  Just give him time."

 

 

Sometimes, it drives Alec nuts that Jace is always right.

Magnus did come back, eyes glowing golden and looking slightly sheepish, looking guilty when he sees the breakfast spread out across the table.  He crossed the room and kisses Alec long and hard, murmuring an apology before setting down to dig into the waffles that had gone cold without complaint, each word another attempt at making up for something that Alec wasn't really that worried about anymore.  He's ran away enough times to know that sometimes its the only thing you can think of in the moment.

"Do you want to talk now?"  magnus says, his voice a carefully controlled calm, his eyes burning, glowing, blessedly golden.  Alec reaches out to grab onto his hand, wants to tell him they don't need to talk, that whatever that was it was okay, that sometimes they all want to change themselves. But he doesn't say that, because you can't say that and hope to still be in love for any length of time, so he just clears away the plates and sits down right beside him.

"Yeah,"  He breathes, and it is so quiet, quiet and peaceful and the ocean is roaring outside, and Alec just wants to stay here and hide them both from anything that might hurt them.  Because he can feel the world charging up to hurt them after this short period of bliss, like they have to pay for their happiness with pain.  "I think we better."

Magnus looks unsure.  He looks young and old at the same time, like this a new thing for him, to actually have someone to talk to about what's bothering him, to bare himself to another person in the way it really matters.  Alec had been worried about the experience he was lacking, but its nice to know that they were on equal footing when it came to things like this, when you have to swallow your insecurities and fess up to shortcomings and trust that the other person will still be there when the storm is over.  "It was so hard for you,"  Magnus says, the words coming out low and strained, like he was forcing them past his teeth with effort.  "To be with me.  And I thought, for one moment, I could be just another person, like if you could pass as a mundane then I could, too.  That I could bury the thing that marks me as a warlock."   _As part demon,_ Alec hears, even though neither of them say it.  Other people have said it often enough that they have no hope of forgetting.  "I meant it to be just for the night.  But then you told me they looked nice."

Alec remembers that, that brief moment outside the hotel room, where he had pulled Magnus to him and said those words, but he had been speaking generally, about the suit and the hair and the way he always looks, which is beautiful.  "I meant all dressed up,"  He says, pained, and reaches out for him, even if Magnus isn't looking particularly receptive at the moment.  "that's all I meant.  You have to know that."

"It's just that sometimes, I think this would be easier for you, if I was someone else."

Alec doesn't know what to do.  He had known that Magnus had problems he was trying to work through, because you can't live for centuries and not have pain inside of you, but he was also not prepared for it to come out like this, as something that was his fault, with no way for him to dispute it or make it better.  Because they know, both of them, that as much as his parents hate Alec being gay, they would have accepted it a whole lot easier if Magnus had been another shadowhunter.  

"I love you."  He kneels on the floor at Magnus' feet, looks up at him, grips tight to his hands, and both of them pretend not to see the tears in Magnus' eyes.  "Only you, always you, and I love everything about you, every kind, and good, and loving part of you, because those are the only things I think when I look into your eyes.  Nothing about what other people say, nothing about your father, nothing about stupid, inconsequential things that might come between us- only you, because I love you, and I think that every single part of you is beautiful.  And anyone who had ever asked you to cover them up like you've been doing was wrong, and didn't deserve all the amazing things that you are."

Magnus doesn't say anything for a beat, just long enough for alec to get embarrassed and start to consider fumbling for more words to fix this, and then he was on the floor with him, pulling Alec onto his lap and holding him in a way that Alec was still getting used to.  "I love you,"  Magnus says, and it was nice to hear it said with such wonder, like Alec was a treasure that Magnus still can't believe he stumbled upon.  "I have never loved anyone as entirely as I have loved you."

At a later time, Alec would wonder how this could possible be true, how he could hold a candle to all the loves that came before them, with the way they seemed to still burn in the space between him in Magnus even at their best.  But for now, he just accepts it and takes his words as solid truth.  "You're perfect,"  Alec says, which isn't true but he believed it at the time.  "And I love you, alright?"

"Even the eyes?"  Magnus sounds shy, like Alec could have been lying.

"Especially the eyes,"  Alec repeats, and is stupid enough to think that this would work to fix everything between them.

 

 

They wake up beside each other the next morning, after another night of  _more, yes, please, Magnus, love you, everything, always_ and Alec turns, expecting to see brown eyes staring back at him (a habit that he wishes he could have broken the moment Magnus switched back to gold, but he still worries) and can't help the smile on his face.  "Hey, you."

Magnus doesn't move when Alec reaches out to lay a hand on his face, a touchy feely gesture that Alec probably wouldn't have done if they hadn't had a day like the one before.  "Yes,"  Magnus says, and Alec kids himself into thinking that the sound is his voice is just from being tired, not sad.  "Me."

 

 


End file.
